Going up in smoke

Smoking is a contentious issue. 

There are those who think it is bad for you - e.g. medical practitioners. Then there are those who think it makes you look sexy, is a declaration of free will and may even prolong your life by keeping away germs - e.g. everyone in the tobacco industry, UKIP members and the certifiably deluded.

So when a local councillor proposed a New York-style ban on smoking in public open recreational spaces - such as play grounds - you can guess the lines along which opinion divided. 

“Good thing too,” declare the medical lobby (which is a sort of corridor with doctors), “it prevents secondary smoking.”

“Secondary smoking? No such thing!” cry various outraged interest groups, political ne’er-do-wells and people whose regular domicile is a padded cell.

I like to remain neutral on most matters * but will happily admit to coming down on the side of the smoking-is-harmful-and-makes-you-look-like-a-weak-willed-pillock side of this argument. So I was moderately gleeful when the story appeared for my consideration in this week’s Westmorland Gazette.

Below are the four sketches I submitted. I won’t say which one got in but here’s a hint: It required a slight caption change.

If you wish to see the chosen cartoon in unrealistic colour, sashay forthwith to my website.

(* I’m lying)

It's a Riot

It's been a riot the last couple of weeks in England. Unfortunately not the good kind. You may have noticed.

As the rioting largely involved disaffected young people, the media (in some cases) wheeled out middle-aged comfortable people to pontificate on the causes of the riots and how the rioters should be punished. 

One of these was Kendal-born historian David Starkey, who got into a spot of hot water with one or two of his views. Ever ready to spotlight the sons of Kendal, The Westmorland Gazette has an article about the fuss.

Meanwhile, Cumbria tourist groups are focussing their immense brains on how to encourage people to the Lake District whilst next year's Olympics are on in London. I'd suggest a big sign saying No Olympics Coverage In The Lakes and then we all promise not to talk about it.

These were the two stories which became cartoon fodder this week. You can see the sketches below in all their scribbly, black and white glory. For the editor's choice, don your dark glasses and sashay over to my website first thing Thursday morning, where it will be presented in full colour.

"We could always divert the men's 1500 metres …"

"This is our new marketing slogan."

"He's trouble, that one … it's David Starkey."

"A right little trouble-maker … he wants to be a 

historian when he leaves school."

Tombstoning for Beginners

Do you tombstone?

This may seem an odd question. Especially if, like me, you associate the word with Twilight or Wyatt Earp. Tombstoning is, however, the sport of leaping off cliffs and bridges into pools of water. It’s been popular in the US for decades but also attracts people to the Lakes, where you can do it at a number of locations.

Frankly, I think it’s about as sensible as tying yourself to a rubber band and jumping off a bridge. If you want that sort of thrill, do it properly and jump out of a plane.

Tombstoning in the Lakes is now attracting attention for the wrong reasons. A local Tory councillor managed to hospitalize himself as a result of engaging in the activity. 

The fuss associated with the activity (calls for it to be banned), rather than the incident itself, formed the lead story in this week’s Westmorland Gazette. Never one to forego the chance to get involved in a touch of tasteless controversy, here are the four ideas offered for this week’s front page cartoon. To see which one got past the editor’s eagle eye, go visit my website.

Sky High

In the 1980s, low flying jets were a popular topic for the Westmorland Gazette cartoon. The letters pages were full of complaints from unpatriotic locals, complaining bitterly at the noise as a brave airmen refined their hair-trigger skills to defend the realm against the incursion of Johnny Foreigner and his alien hordes.

One result of this was the Windermere Air Show, which the RAF supported as a thank you for putting up with their training exercises over the Lakes.

Wind forward and this year, people are complaining because they can’t see the jets flying over the Lakes. Or, more precisely, they’re complaining about being made to do so.

Windermere’s 11^th Air Show last weekend was run by an event management company. So not only did they charge for parking and programmes, but access to The Glebe (a public park) was by entrance fee only. As it provided the most obvious vantage point for most people (the unimaginative ones), there has been An Outcry and, inevitably, Letters To The Press.

Meanwhile, in other news, research has shown that over the last 20,000 years, people in the north have developed bigger brains than those in the south. Northern newspapers have been very keen to report this research. I can’t think why - but then I am an unrepentant Southerner.

Here are this week’s choices which I presented ot the editor. Only one received the Seal of Approval and appears on the front page of this week’s Gazette …

The Thin Blue Line

This week’s major UK news story has heaped revelation upon resignation. Corruption extends to the highest echelons of the media, police and politics. What can be done? Who can replace the people at the top? Who do we trust now that even the Metropolitan Police Commissioner and his Deputy have resigned over the scandal?

Well, Cumbria Police have an idea or two. They’ve been recruiting local school children to illustrate crime. The results ranged from bank robberies, drug dealing, incidents of violent crime … and you thought the Lakes was a rural idyll. Ha.

Clearly this was ideal territory for this week’s Westmorland Gazette cartoon.

Below, you can see the sketches I pitched to our esteemed editor. And if you tootle over to my website, you can see the one he chose. It was a damned difficult drawing this week.

"If the police are using kids as photofit artists, you and me are in deep trouble."

"Great. So the suspect is a dead ringer for Spongebob Squarepants."

"According to our child artist, this is the drug dealer we're looking for."

"I need trauma counselling. I've just seen the kids' pictures of violent crime."

Leaving an Impression

Phone hacking, newspaper closures, police corruption, dodgy journalists, supine politicians … it’s been an exciting week for news. One story has dominated the headlines on the back of underhand journalistic practices.

Over on my own newspaper, things are a little less exciting. Not only can I confirm that no one in the newsroom has ever hacked someone else’s phone, many of them have trouble logging into the editorial computer. If someone has lost the post-it note with the password, we’re all doomed.

So no phone hackery for this week’s front page. But lurking within the the pages of The Westmorland Gazette, were a couple of stories which caught the cartoon eye.

The first is a new initiative to rent electric bikes in the Lake district. There are charge points being established throughout South Lakes and the bikes are already for hire.

In other news, a family came home from holiday to discover the shape of an owl on their French windows. Most of us just find Jesus in our toast but this was an astonishingly clear image, caused by the dust on the tawny owl’s feather imprinting on the glass. No sign of the owl, so they assumed it recovered and flew off (I suspect a well-fed fox).

So these are the ideas I pitched. And in answer to Martin Lewes, ace reporter for BBC Radio Cumbria, the decision about which cartoon to use is not made by either white or black smoke from the editor’s office. Instead, a bar of Kendal Mint Cake is thrown from an upstairs window. White and it gets in, chocolate covered and it’s rejected.

You can see which got the white mint cake by visiting my website on Thursday morning.

Invasion of the Hordes

A bit of a mixed bag rich variety of stories lined up in the cartoonist’s sights this week.

The silliest is to do with Ulverston carnival. Wet sponges have been banned for health and safety reasons. Apparently they are used for throwing at people who volunteer to go in the stocks. (Why would anyone volunteer to go in the stocks? Is not the sad, mental decline of such folk a bigger story?) Anyway, sponges can pick up grit so they’re tooooo dangerous to throw.

Another sort of danger also reared its head. Tesco is threatening local Ambleside shops by opening a Tesco Express. In Bristol, earlier this year, such a move provoked riot. I suspect in South Lakes there may be Severe Tutting and a couple of letters to The Westmorland Gazette.

And finally, a horde of Viking treasure worth millions has been found in Furness. I'm off to dig up the garden. Meanwhile, you can see which cartoon graces the front page by visiting my website at www.shelbourn.com/gazette