Needling away

The protests are building up.

No, I’m not referring to Tunisia or Egypt but to Cumbria. And to be geographically exact, Grizedale Forest.

The Government’s dim notion to flog off the UK’s national forests has sparked a bonfire of protest, with a YouGov survey reporting that 84% of the population is opposed to it. A protest website has been established with its own Twitter account, a petition launched, the local MP is getting involved and even media heavyweights like Lord Melvyn Bragg are wading in. (He said he would sign a petition like a shot, apparently oblivious to the fact that it has been in existence for over a week and already has over 241,000 signatures.)

Now there is a protest rally in Grizedale on Sunday at 1.00 p.m. See you there. Bring sandwiches.

The story features in this week’s Westmorland Gazette, so I was pleased to have the opportunity to have another go at it. Those of you with long memories may recall that I last tackled this a fortnight ago. On that occasion a cartoon about a different story got in the paper. However, one joke struck me as worth dragging back for editorial scrutiny, so it went into today’s mix of sketches. And lo, here it is again, subtly altered to confound the editor.

As usual, you can see which one appears on the front page by purchasing tomorrow’s Westmorland Gazette. Or, if you are too busy rioting in Tunisia or Egypt, you can view the cartoon on my website from 8.30 a.m. Thursday morning.

Shooting yourself in the foot

Over the years, the local council in South Lakeland has come up with a number of brilliant schemes. One of the most spectacular was to close a number of public toilets. Just the thing to encourage coach parties to a tourist area. What could be finer than being cooped up in a coach for a few hours, disgorged into Grasmere or Bowness and then discovering the loos are all closed?

Now they have a scheme to withdraw Blue Badge free parking, stop funding Shopmobility and generally make it difficult for the disabled to park and shop in Kendal. This is an area where 1 in 17 are registered disabled. (Or at least have a Blue Badge, and they can’t all be lazy 4x4 drivers.)

However, at least the council can be relied upon to provide me with material for my Westmorland Gazette cartoon.

Below are the four preliminary sketches for this week’s. As usual, these are scanned direct from the scruffy scribbles I present to the editor. They are always designed to get the idea across, not be works of art, so look rather hectic and scribbly. Rather irritatingly, sometimes the final artwork doesn’t have the same charm.

See if you can pick which one the editor chose. You’ll find the finished cartoon in the newspaper or over on my website from 8.00 a.m. Thursday.

Barking

This week’s Westmorland Gazette features two splendid candidate stories for the front page cartoon.

The first story is a plan to reduce costs by selling off police stations in some of the local towns and villages. This will, of course, leave the local bobbies with nowhere to complete their usual reams of paperwork. So we’re going to have mobile police stations.

Eschewing the obvious Tardis joke, I pitched a couple of ideas for this.

The second story also involves vital resources being flogged off for short-term gain. The government is proposing to sell off the Forestry Commission forests and hand them to the private sector. Genius. That should ensure no one gets access to them for recreation. And it will almost certainly reverse the Forestry Commission’s enlightened policy of planting broadleaf trees in amongst the conifers.

Once again, I pitched two ideas to the editor for this story.

You can see all four ideas sketched out below, as the editor saw them. Now, if you were in his position of power and authority, tasked with the responsibility of choosing a cartoon to amuse the inhabitants of Lakeland tomorrow morning … which would you have chosen?

Find out which the editor chose by buying the Westmorland Gazette or hiking over to my website tomorrow morning, where I’ll put up the final cartoon. I may even colour it in for you.

Jingle Sales

Welcome to Twixtmas, which is apparently the new name for that bit between Christmas and New Year. That time when some of us are back at work, and some are still enjoying time off. That time when some are still too stuffed to move and some are stocking up for New Year.

And most of all, that time when the New Year Sales have burst forth, seven days early.

According to retailers interviewed by The Westmorland Gazette, the sales have not been all they expected this year. The bargain hunters stayed home in droves, through a mixture of apathy, recession and ice. Not even the chance to beat the VAT increase brought them out.

So that was the subject for this week’s cartoon.

Not particularly easy and, as you can see from the first two sketches submitted, not all that inspiring. I did better with the second two. In fact, I thought the 4th was an idea of unsurpassed brilliance. This is, of course, always a sign that no one else will like it, find it funny or even get it. And I’ve been doing this job long enough to know that they may well be right.

See what you think. Feel free to add comments below, then rush out to buy a paper to see which one made the front page. And if you’re put off by the ice, you can see the cartoon on my website, in full and glorious colour.

The Kendal Mint Quake

Dawn over Lakeland, the winter solstice and a full moon. But wait, what’s this? There’s a bit missing …

Ah, it’s a lunar eclipse. Always fascinating to watch and this one didn’t disappoint, with the moon turning a dark orange before fading into the early morning light and dropping behind the Langdale Pikes.

Lunar eclipses are not uncommon, although it’s been 362 years since one fell on a winter solstice. Astronomical coincidence, but the astrologers made much of it. As I’d cheated and watched the eclipse from the studio window, I had the computer to hand, so in addition to chatting on Twitter with a correspondent in Australia (“The eclipse is heading your way - it'll be with you in 20 minutes.”) I also took time to issue a few tweets mocking the astrologers.

Fast forward to 11pm. All is quiet. Outside the snow lies deep and even (obviously, we’d hardly be likely to bring it inside). Suddenly there is a massive roar. A jet overhead? An early fly past from Santa?

Check Twitter (much faster to report news than the lamestream media), no - it’s an earthquake! I knew I shouldn’t have mocked the astologers.

The US Geological Survey had details online within minutes - 3.5 Richter and centred on Coniston.

A few minutes later, the BBC announced it was breaking news, although in fact we hadn’t even broken a cup.

And lo, it came to pass that today’s Westmorland Gazette cartoon was about …

Well, you can see below. A nice Christmas gift for a cartoonist. These are the four sketches submitted to the editor and you can see which was picked by skating out on Thursday to purchase The Westmorland Gazette - or by scootling over to my website.

P.S. it may have been me who sent out a Tweet for food parcels for the Cumbria earthquake victims. Specifically for mince pies and sprouts.

P.P.S. To the wag who dubbed it the Kendal Mint Quake on Facebook … well done. I was planning to use that for the cartoon but you beat me to it.

P.P.P.S. Merry Christmas!

A clean getaway

There are several things I like about being a professional cartoonist. One of them is being paid to draw. The other is the unexpected. 

When the phone rings, you never know what might turn up.

Earlier in the week was a good example. I had a call from the Lancashire Evening Telegraph, part of the Newsquest group which includes the much-esteemed and world-famous Westmorland Gazette. I don’t usually draw for the Telegraph but they knew my stuff and had a story which needed a cartoon. Could I do it? Oh and the deadline was three hours away.

Easy.

The story was one of those where the subject threatens to be funnier than the cartoon. Thieves had broken into a house in Oswaldtwistle at 1.30 a.m. and stole £3,500 worth of goods. But first, they broke into the outside hot tub and had a nice, warm soak.

Incredible, isn’t it? An outside hot tub in Lancashire. But true and here are the three ideas I pitched to the editor. You can see the one chosen at the end.

Borderline

The Westmorland Gazette hits the news stands on Thursday morning. And as I haven’t been out to buy my copy yet, that means some of you may have a better idea of what is on the front page than I do. Which may sound unusual, given that I draw the front page cartoon.

Truth is, when I go into the newsroom on Wednesday at 2pm, the main stories are still slugging it out to see which of them is going to be the lead story. It’s not a pretty sight. There are vowels and apostrophes everywhere.

I take a peek, then sometimes duck behind the news desk and see what’s occurring in the calmer, more rarified environs of pages 3 and 5.

So this week, I had a choice of three stories to consider. The wackiest was a move by the Get A Life, sorry, County Watch, which has gone around putting up Welcome to Lancashire and Welcome to Westmorland signs. In Cumbria. Which took over from those counties (in South Lakes) in 1974. (We have no hope of ever going metric.)

In other news, Cumbria County Council has had its budget cut by more than was feared, thanks to the LibCon settlement. And a group of nine illegal immigrants were caught, heading for Cumbria. (I should point out that these were illegal immigrants from outside the UK, not from Yorkshire or somewhere.)

The four cartoon sketches are below. One of them manages to combine two of the stories (smug mode). If you’ve already bought the Gazette, you’ll know which one the editor chose. The rest of you, mosey on over to my website.